I spend a lot of time in a state of self-reflection, checking in with myself and answering some uncomfortable questions about why I feel the way I feel, allowing myself to complete my feelings at any level of intensity instead of disrupting them...because that’s the only way permanent healing takes place. Over the last six months, I’ve let go of pain I’ve held on to for years because, for the first time, I’ve made myself a priority. I am responsible for my happiness. I am responsible for making sure that my needs are met. Do you know what your needs are? How well do you know yourself? Keep reading for some ways to get to know yourself a little better.
1. Stop disrupting your emotions
You are not crazy, what you’re feeling is not stupid. You feel that way for a reason. Don’t just sit with that emotion and let it turn into something worse. At the appropriate time and place, unpack it. Question it. Ask yourself why you’re feeling that way. What event caused that feeling? What about it made you react in this specific way? Has this happened before? Did it trigger fear or worry? What are you scared of or worried about? Why? Just continuously ask yourself questions. Along the way, you’ll learn a lot about yourself. We can’t possibly expect someone else to understand us if we can’t even understand ourselves.
2. Do things that make you happy!
Spend time with people and do things that make you feel like the best version of yourself. Spend time with people who encourage you, listen to you, and believe in you. Where is your happy place? Who are your favorite people to be around? Remember that it’s always okay to say no! Just because someone asks you to hang out or just because you got offered a job does NOT mean you have to say yes. Go with your gut and do things when you’re ready. Ask yourself if it feels right.
3. Be honest with yourself
I promise you can handle it! I find myself attempting to minimize the issue when I’m getting close to realizing a flaw within myself or when I’ve made a mistake. Don’t do that. It’s okay! We all have flaws and we all make mistakes. Be honest with yourself about what led to that and how you can keep it from happening in the future.
Plan how you’re going to make better decisions in the future. Plan how you’d like to handle certain situations next time. Imagine what you could do differently. If you have an idea of how you’d like to respond to certain situations if they come up again, you’ll be a little more prepared and potentially have a more positive outcome.
Thanks for reading!
H&M Jumpsuit - similar
Adidas Originals Gazelle - here
This was supposed to be a fashion-related post but then my brain was like, “Nah, girl”.
I’m not going to call this a “how-to” on healing because I have no idea what I’m doing right now. The healing process is always specific to the person and situation that requires it. The fact that I’ve made it through other storms just tells me that I can get through this one, but not necessarily how to get through it. But, I do feel like I’ve been on the right track lately. I wrote this in hopes that I can let at least one person know that they’re not alone and that everything will be okay even if it feels like it won’t be right now.
In the past, I would typically try to take a detour around my storms since dealing with it head on wasn’t my style. However, when I lost my dad, I realized that there was no way I was getting around it. I tried to fill the void in other ways but, a father is irreplaceable. So, I went through the motions. I experienced sadness, anger, confusion, fear, jealousy, and so much more. And even now, almost three years later, I still have those same feelings. Although now, they’re not as intense and I’ve learned how to manage them. And I only learned how to do that because I let myself feel them. God put me in a situation where I was forced to deal with the pain I was feeling and from that, I grew. A year and a half ago, I realized that I was a completely different person than who I was when my dad passed away and I was a completely different person from who I was before my dad passed away. It changed me for the better and I know my daddy would be so proud of me. That experience showed me that light can fill your life again, even after your darkest moments. So, now, I just remind myself that if I can make it through that, I can make it through anything.
Healing takes time and that’s a hard concept to accept because patience is one virtue I’ve always struggled with. It can’t be rushed and what we do with that time is important. Lately, I’ve been making a cognitive choice everyday to do things differently. I’m learning to slow down, pause, and ask God for discernment before making decisions based on my emotions. If something feels off, whether that’s a situation or a person, there’s probably a reason why. If if something no longer serves me, I release it. I’m getting into the habit of being mindful and reflective of who and what I allow into my life. I question everything. Does this have purpose? If so, is it a positive contribution to my mind, body, and soul? Until it’s a subconscious thought, I will remind myself everyday that everything that I’m feeling right now is all temporary. The feelings of sadness, lack of confidence, and rejection...it’s all temporary.
Over the past few months I’ve been intentional about evaluating how I spend my time and making sure to include things that bring me peace and happiness: I write in my journal; not everyday, just when I feel like I need to. Sometimes, things don’t really make sense to me until I put it down on paper. I read like I used to when I was a teenager (which was allll the time). I spend time with my family and friends. I’ve started new friendships and strengthened old ones. I make sure to spend time alone, too, because sometimes I need that space to recharge. I joined a book club. I’ve gone to events where I don’t know many people (or anyone at all), which was completely outside of my comfort zone, and now I see that it’s not so scary after all. I started grad school. I joined a pilates studio and started working out with a personal trainer. I even paid attention to who I follow on social media, I follow a lot of fashion and beauty, interior design, Christian-based and self-love pages because those are all things that inspire me. I am slowly changing because my surroundings are changing. And sometimes change requires removal, too. God has been removing some things from my life lately and I’m not sure if it’s permanent, but I know that there’s a good reason for it. Like they say, sometimes, elevation requires isolation.
I’m definitely not perfect and I’m still making decisions that turn out to be completely wrong. Sometimes I’ve made decisions out of fear that led to pain. And then there’s decisions that I made that led to pain but I wouldn’t change it for anything because even if it only brought happiness into my life for a short time, it was worth it. I just have to be patient with myself and remember all of the times that God surprised me with a blessing I didn’t think was possible and how He can do it again. You never know what tomorrow will bring.
A few months ago, I had a pessimistic point of view and now I am working on intentionally replacing those negative thoughts with positive ones. You are what you think, right? I am no expert and I’m taking my healing process day by day, moment by moment, emotion by emotion.
P.S.: Ask your friends and family (men and women) how they’re doing every now and then. And I’m not talking about a surface-level “how are you doing?”. Don’t let “I’m alright” be acceptable everytime. At the appropriate time, ask follow up questions; get specific. That breakup that they just went through, ask about that. That unexpected death in the family, ask about that. That longer than expected job search that they’ve been on, ask them about that too. Ask them what their goals are, maybe you can encourage them or help them brainstorm different avenues to get where they want to be. Get them alone or on the phone and create an environment where they can speak freely and openly. I’m so grateful that I have family and friends who have been giving me a little extra love and attention lately even though they have their own problems to worry about. And I hope that they feel the same about me.
I feel as though this is my season of growth. Every change I am experiencing right now is a journey of growth. Whether it’s strengthening my relationship with God, appreciating this time He has given me to get to know myself, or even things like growing my hair/blog engagement. It’s all growth and all for my greater good.
I realized that I had been praying for a change in my situation when God has instead put me on track to change my mindset. Appreciation for today is so important and I am learning to let go of the need to be in control and allowing God to work in my life.
God has had so much more of my attention than usual this week that I haven’t had the opportunity to give unnecessary attention to issues/negativity like I normally would...and that feels so good. The catalyst to all of this was a friend of mine (thank you Errick!) showing me an online sermon by Michael Todd from Transformation Church. The sermon was focused on relationships and how to properly navigate them. So I decided to start from the beginning and watch part 1 of the series. I’m only on part 3 right now but what I’ve learned so far has been so beneficial to getting myself in the right mindset. I started taking notes on the sermons and rereading Bible verses that were referenced. Reading those verses have led me to other ones that I decided to meditate on and take notes on throughout the week. It’s been a domino effect and I’ve never been more excited to hear a sermon and meditate on Bible verses. The Bible truly is a guidebook on how to live our lives and if we are meditating on His word now, during the good times, we’ll have something to fall back on during the bad times. When lack of optimism or confidence creeps in, I know where to go. I have linked part 1, which talks about what you need to do before you meet the person that was meant for you, so check it out and let me know what you think.
God has given me peace and strength this week instead of changing my situation, which will help me to grow and develop into the woman I am supposed to be.
Here are some verses that I have connected with the most this week:
What do you feel like God is trying to teach you right now? Do you have any sermons you’ve found online that have helped you? Drop links in the comments!
Lately, I've been slacking in the creative expression department. I've let minuscule parts of life become a distraction and I haven't really been feeling inspired lately, which is why I haven't posted in so long. While contemplating this rut I've been stuck in and where it came from, I realized that I've been lacking excitement in my life. When was the last time I tried something new? What I eat, how I spend my time, what I wear, has been consistent in the worst way possible. Sometimes consistency isn't a good thing. Change is always needed in some aspect of our lives and should be welcomed. If you're not changing, then you're not learning, and if you're not learning, you're not growing. I want to grow. I want to not recognize who I am right now, a year from now. I hope that at this time next year, I'm at a point where I'm living unapologetically for me and have conquered dreams that I can't even visualize right now. Usually this is something that I would have kept in my notes on my phone but I thought I'd share this one on my blog, in hopes of encouraging someone else to accept the negatives and positives in life, to take advantage of what this world can offer us, and allowing themselves to evolve.
Crop top here| Jeans here | Flannel: My brother